Spontaneous Impressions

It’s definatly been  awhile since I’ve last posted. In fact I almost forgot I have a blog let alone my initial hopes for it. Although I may not be here often I can’t seem to bring myself to close down all together.

A lot has changed, but that’s inevitable. Have you ever noticed that even after just one year you look back and go wow I’ve changed so much.  Last year I was big into the Fat Acceptance to where I was constantly looking for new info on it, and advocating it. Though over the year I’ve become less obessed with the topic I still share with it’s ideals. There’s just some beliefs that should be changed in our world and the way the world see Fat is one of them. In fact I still have conversations with my boss about it. Though at one time I would become frustrated with her for her unmoving stance on wanting to lose weight I’ve come to realize that just because it’s OK, some people have hopes and dreams themselves and who am I to put my view onto others. I support her in a way of educating her. But some people’s view on themselves is so skewed that really only a proffessional eating disorder counsellor may be able to help them. Now before you get all on me about that last comment, I do not think everyone has an eating disorder. But I do think that people have very funny ideas about food, and image. Each and everyone has different things they want to change about themselves and all we can do is give them all the information. We can’t force them to do anything.

I hope you understand what I’m babbling about because I think I’ve gone and lost myself in that diatribe.

Well, I’m back in town after a 3 week stint housesitting just an hour out of my town. It was wonderful to spend some time in the country again. But as much as I miss it out there i did not like the fact that it took me an hour to get to work in the morning (acceptable) but then took 2 hours to return during the evening rush…. I have seriously no patience for rush hour traffic.

Other than that I’ve had my head stuck in books and X-files seasons which i have to say i miss very much. Anyways just wanted to pop a post to say i haven’t disappeared completely.

I just wanted to highlight a wonderful post over at All my Jiggly Bits. Where she explores what exactly does Eating right mean. Wonderful post and comments that I think all of us who are trying to be healthy at any size would enjoy reading.

Wow… So today i did the most uncommon thing…. I bought a newspaper. The good ol’ Ottawa Sun to boot. Thinking what? No clue. But i quickly realized my mistake in buying it or even reading that piece of junk anyways. I’m not sure how i didn’t see it at first, but smack dead center front page, took the entire front page at that, is a photo of a thin women…. by line So and So lost X amount of weight….  I’m sorry when did it become front page news worthy for someone to lose weight?

I threw the newspaper out and will never be purchasing that one, and most likely not another one ever.

I’m really getting sick of hearing my boss complain about her weight… She’s always updating us on “oh I gained 5 pounds and i’m doing everything i’m supposed to”… She’s an older lady who yes has a bit of a mid drift but nothing compared to me. I’ve always told her she shouldn’t worry she looks well but i generally stay out of the conversations since she my boss, and my NEW boss at that.  But today she went on it again…  this little diatribe every time we went on a smoke break…  So by the end of the day in the politest voice i could muster up I added very softly that it’s weird situations like gaining 5 pounds when you do everything right that leads me to believe that they don’t know enough about how one gains and loses weight.  She seemed to agree in part but then went on and on about her metabolism being perfect blah blah blah….

It amazes me sometimes how people come up with they’re way of thinking about fat. Truely dumbfounds me. Can we not just already realize that things are just the way they are and start to feel good about ourselves…. Because really? Who told us as women we should hate the bodies we’re in anyways?   This is my disdain for media…  because i blame it all on them and their stick figures they keep flashing around telling us to be.   *barf*.

Anyone else have any good workplace related stories?  and welcome all you wonderful commenters! I’ve enjoyed reading the replies!

So this i a totally new concept for me. I had never heard of dating sites soley focused of finding your big and beautiful partner. Granted i’ve tried dating sites before, and have a mixture of results (though no long term success). I stopped my online dating about 3 or 4 months ago after a week long influx of interesting messages. Though there’ve been much worse i’ve expereinced I got sick of the many “hey baby”s, “you want to f*ck”, and the very rare “I’ll die in my country will you marry me for immigration purposes”.

I view myself like the next single lady does. Searching for that man to compliment her life, make her feel nice, and knows how to treat a women. I have met many men who… let’s face it just have no clue on how to approach a lady anymore. I think i’ve blogged about this before so i won’t get back into it.

So today I’m offically back into the online dating world, but in a new way. I’m trying the Big and Beautiful Dating world. At first i was slightly offended when the concept was introduced to me. What do you mean, now we’re being seperated on the online world just to find a man, and have a new obstacle in our way… Men with big girl fetishes, men seeking fat women with the bias that we’ll roll over and take their shit because “big girls will take what they can get”. This was my very opinionated first impressed. I didn’t want to be placed at the mercy of an endless messages about me being some person’s sex figure (although complimentary yes, I want to be loved for me, and not my body), I didn’t want someone assuming just because of my size i have self-esteem issues, or that i put up with bullshit.

Let’s face it. I’m a very independant, workaholic women, who doesn’t take shit lying down. Especially from the men who would like to be in my life. Call me picky, but I think this is a great feature of mine. I don’t settle. I get what I want. So what if i’ve been single for a while. I’m not seeking a man to complete me, I’m seeking a man to compliment me.

I’m sure many of you other single fat ladies out there feel the same way. And it’s not too much to ask for.

With that said I’m delving into this new experience and I’ll let you know what i think of it…

By the way, have any of you tried it? What did you find out about it, you like it? not like it?, Share your online fat dating site stories!!

It seems that where i look lately i’m reading about horror anti-fat medical professional stories, and it’s time i confess.  I’m so lucky to have a great family doctor, Dr. Y.  Although she’s on occassion sat me down for that “you need to lose weight” it’s never been pushy and happens very rarely. In fact the only problem my mom has with her (for her own visits, not mine) is that sometime Dr. Y will not explain the seriousness of something effectively… aka scare the shit out of you so that you’ll change.  I myself do not see Dr. Y like this.  However being a Crohnnie i have another doctor….. Dr. K.

I don’t like Dr. K. and it all stems from a rather embarrassing and very cruel way in which he spoke to me while doped up on sedatives. I went in for my first colonoscopy and endoscopy. While flying high this is the one and most distinct thing i remember about the endoscopy part. See I was gagging so much because no one told me to breath through my nose, and while you’d think that this would be an obvious choice when they’re shoving a scope down your throat when you on the sedatives you really can’t think straight, you just do what they say. So needless to say i was gagging extremely despite my throat being numb and weird feeling.  Although i can understand Dr. K’s frustration in no way should he have yelled at me “You need to stop gagging or i can’t do this”.  1. gagging is a reflex and it’s not really under much of my control (and i was still gagging just not as much when breathing through the nose) and 2. Just because i’m doped up doesn’t mean i won’t remember.  To this day it’s the one and only thing i remember about the whole process.

The other thing about Dr K. is he’s an anti-fat doctor. He has told me to lose weight, and then got all anti fat on me when he put me on medication that you can gain weight on despite the fact he’s seen records of what i eat on a daily basis. When it comes to food and fat, he assumes I’m lieing, and gives me that fat speech and it’s soooo tiresome.  I know that i should look for another GI, but he’s good at the crohn’s thing and he’s conviently located. We’ll see how it goes because so far it’s anti fat 2 for 4 visits… If he still presses the issue, or if he dares to see weightloss as a good thing during a flare i’ll put him in his place.  See the thing about losing weight without changing anything for me is a huge red flag that my body (which already has tons of troubles absorbing nurtients and things because that’s part of what having crohn’s is) isn’t doing it’s digestive job correctly and can lead and most likely would mean I’m being malnutritied (sp?) which isn’t hard to do with crohn’s and has nothignn to do with what you put in your body .

It saddens me to see more horrible medical stories because i feel that my experience although probably common isn’t as bad as a lot i’ve read about.

I have to wonder, while i continue to read posts about the various news articles about fat that misrepresent, twist, and skew their stories about research concerning fat. I’m sure everyone in the fatosphere has already heard and read the much talked about article about how growth spurts “cause” obesity, and if you visit junkfoodscience seen Sandy’s post about how the study in question wasn’t even done on humans!

What happened to responsible, ethical journalism… Was it ever there?  Is the need for readership the only strive, or is the media concerned with the quality and factuality of accurate reporting. Did this so called journalist stop to think of the further panic that such a statement would make, leading many unsuspecting histeria ridden parents to not adequatley feed their children? To teens so consumed with self-image turn to eating disorders and unhealthy relationships with food…  Did they take into consideration the fall out of writing in a way in which to decieve readers that this study was human related?

I haven’t read the article myself, but way too many times have i seen irressponsible reporting being done in the name of anti-obesity.

I just wish that our societies would stop and think about their actions for once, and actually critically look at what’s being sad. I’m sick of my mother rolling her eyes at me when i cite new studies that show that fat people have less severe strokes and survive them more often than our skinny counterparts. I’m sick of being accused of encouring being to become overweight… I’m not. What i am trying to encourage is being ok with being fat, or thin, or “normal”. It’s about knowing that you were built the way you were and being ok with it. With living up to your standards and not someone else’s. It’s about feeling good in your own skin because let’s face it, it’s all we have.

Society’s beauty standards will change, and everything else changes, but we ourselves in physical form have only one body and it’s about accepting and being happy with it.

It’s also seeing and acknowledging that the media doesn’t have our interest at heart. They’re more concerned with money as is much these days. I wonder when i have kids how will i go about teaching them to think critically. How do you teach that there is value in the media, but to take it with a grain of salt, and to see for yourself if what they’re saying is accurate.

Media should be interested in factual stories, giving the reader all the facts, and not their version. It should be impartial unless it’s clearly told that it’s an opinion piece.

So tomorrow i get on a plane to fly all the way to Cancun!  Wooohooooo!!!!  I’m a little part excited, with a dash of nervousness.

Anyways So i’ll be gone for a week, and when i get back i will be back! lol.

I make no sense i do realize this.  My head is full of all the little biddies going on these days, like the fact i’ve fallen for my best friend who doesn’t feel the same way. Oh do i hate that that has happened. Oh well moving on because trust me it’s best. I’m also have been emersed in fat acceptance research articles, and the fatosphere blogging world.

So a little peek into my brain right now: *insert name here* arg. Fat Good, anti-fat researchers dumb… who says maintains weight when the results clearly show steady increase of weight? Can anyone say illogical! Wikipedia Fat acceptance talk page… wow… do i even want to touch this one. Basicly it shows just how much there needs to be a movement, and education because of some people’s complete ignorance and false beliefs.  Yes I stuff my face with twinkies and sit on the couch all day that’s why i weight 260lbs. WRONG.  I eat the same foods as everyone does, have an ok active lifestyle of running all these errands. I consider myself healthy in that I manage my (non weight related) disease effectively (crohn’s), and I don’t put up with bullshit comments on the street about how I look.   I feel sorry for those who approach me i can be nasty, but my friends describe me as sweet, and awesome.

wow yeah little peek into my brain i’m a little everywhere and long winded. ha. Well Hope you all enjoy the snow. I know it’s melting but it’s snow on april 4th for the past few years hence spending my bday in cancun where if it snows I’m going to scream! lol

Who knew vlogging would be so difficult… Ok I did lol. So i quite enjoy my new hobby of video making, the only draw back… I’m totally not creative when i want to be creative… I’m not funny when i want to be funny… So all these perfectly funny, creative moments keep happening… and my frigin camera is no where to be found! Or i’ll get an idea for an episode, and i can’t get it to translate well…

Hmm…. This is when i call re-enforcements in… however some of them aren’t in the country right now, and the other half are camera shy…

Got an idea or want me to talk about something in particular? Leave a comment!