Spontaneous Impressions

Well, I’m back in town after a 3 week stint housesitting just an hour out of my town. It was wonderful to spend some time in the country again. But as much as I miss it out there i did not like the fact that it took me an hour to get to work in the morning (acceptable) but then took 2 hours to return during the evening rush…. I have seriously no patience for rush hour traffic.

Other than that I’ve had my head stuck in books and X-files seasons which i have to say i miss very much. Anyways just wanted to pop a post to say i haven’t disappeared completely.

I just wanted to highlight a wonderful post over at All my Jiggly Bits. Where she explores what exactly does Eating right mean. Wonderful post and comments that I think all of us who are trying to be healthy at any size would enjoy reading.

Wow… So today i did the most uncommon thing…. I bought a newspaper. The good ol’ Ottawa Sun to boot. Thinking what? No clue. But i quickly realized my mistake in buying it or even reading that piece of junk anyways. I’m not sure how i didn’t see it at first, but smack dead center front page, took the entire front page at that, is a photo of a thin women…. by line So and So lost X amount of weight….  I’m sorry when did it become front page news worthy for someone to lose weight?

I threw the newspaper out and will never be purchasing that one, and most likely not another one ever.

I’m really getting sick of hearing my boss complain about her weight… She’s always updating us on “oh I gained 5 pounds and i’m doing everything i’m supposed to”… She’s an older lady who yes has a bit of a mid drift but nothing compared to me. I’ve always told her she shouldn’t worry she looks well but i generally stay out of the conversations since she my boss, and my NEW boss at that.  But today she went on it again…  this little diatribe every time we went on a smoke break…  So by the end of the day in the politest voice i could muster up I added very softly that it’s weird situations like gaining 5 pounds when you do everything right that leads me to believe that they don’t know enough about how one gains and loses weight.  She seemed to agree in part but then went on and on about her metabolism being perfect blah blah blah….

It amazes me sometimes how people come up with they’re way of thinking about fat. Truely dumbfounds me. Can we not just already realize that things are just the way they are and start to feel good about ourselves…. Because really? Who told us as women we should hate the bodies we’re in anyways?   This is my disdain for media…  because i blame it all on them and their stick figures they keep flashing around telling us to be.   *barf*.

Anyone else have any good workplace related stories?  and welcome all you wonderful commenters! I’ve enjoyed reading the replies!

So this i a totally new concept for me. I had never heard of dating sites soley focused of finding your big and beautiful partner. Granted i’ve tried dating sites before, and have a mixture of results (though no long term success). I stopped my online dating about 3 or 4 months ago after a week long influx of interesting messages. Though there’ve been much worse i’ve expereinced I got sick of the many “hey baby”s, “you want to f*ck”, and the very rare “I’ll die in my country will you marry me for immigration purposes”.

I view myself like the next single lady does. Searching for that man to compliment her life, make her feel nice, and knows how to treat a women. I have met many men who… let’s face it just have no clue on how to approach a lady anymore. I think i’ve blogged about this before so i won’t get back into it.

So today I’m offically back into the online dating world, but in a new way. I’m trying the Big and Beautiful Dating world. At first i was slightly offended when the concept was introduced to me. What do you mean, now we’re being seperated on the online world just to find a man, and have a new obstacle in our way… Men with big girl fetishes, men seeking fat women with the bias that we’ll roll over and take their shit because “big girls will take what they can get”. This was my very opinionated first impressed. I didn’t want to be placed at the mercy of an endless messages about me being some person’s sex figure (although complimentary yes, I want to be loved for me, and not my body), I didn’t want someone assuming just because of my size i have self-esteem issues, or that i put up with bullshit.

Let’s face it. I’m a very independant, workaholic women, who doesn’t take shit lying down. Especially from the men who would like to be in my life. Call me picky, but I think this is a great feature of mine. I don’t settle. I get what I want. So what if i’ve been single for a while. I’m not seeking a man to complete me, I’m seeking a man to compliment me.

I’m sure many of you other single fat ladies out there feel the same way. And it’s not too much to ask for.

With that said I’m delving into this new experience and I’ll let you know what i think of it…

By the way, have any of you tried it? What did you find out about it, you like it? not like it?, Share your online fat dating site stories!!

It seems that where i look lately i’m reading about horror anti-fat medical professional stories, and it’s time i confess.  I’m so lucky to have a great family doctor, Dr. Y.  Although she’s on occassion sat me down for that “you need to lose weight” it’s never been pushy and happens very rarely. In fact the only problem my mom has with her (for her own visits, not mine) is that sometime Dr. Y will not explain the seriousness of something effectively… aka scare the shit out of you so that you’ll change.  I myself do not see Dr. Y like this.  However being a Crohnnie i have another doctor….. Dr. K.

I don’t like Dr. K. and it all stems from a rather embarrassing and very cruel way in which he spoke to me while doped up on sedatives. I went in for my first colonoscopy and endoscopy. While flying high this is the one and most distinct thing i remember about the endoscopy part. See I was gagging so much because no one told me to breath through my nose, and while you’d think that this would be an obvious choice when they’re shoving a scope down your throat when you on the sedatives you really can’t think straight, you just do what they say. So needless to say i was gagging extremely despite my throat being numb and weird feeling.  Although i can understand Dr. K’s frustration in no way should he have yelled at me “You need to stop gagging or i can’t do this”.  1. gagging is a reflex and it’s not really under much of my control (and i was still gagging just not as much when breathing through the nose) and 2. Just because i’m doped up doesn’t mean i won’t remember.  To this day it’s the one and only thing i remember about the whole process.

The other thing about Dr K. is he’s an anti-fat doctor. He has told me to lose weight, and then got all anti fat on me when he put me on medication that you can gain weight on despite the fact he’s seen records of what i eat on a daily basis. When it comes to food and fat, he assumes I’m lieing, and gives me that fat speech and it’s soooo tiresome.  I know that i should look for another GI, but he’s good at the crohn’s thing and he’s conviently located. We’ll see how it goes because so far it’s anti fat 2 for 4 visits… If he still presses the issue, or if he dares to see weightloss as a good thing during a flare i’ll put him in his place.  See the thing about losing weight without changing anything for me is a huge red flag that my body (which already has tons of troubles absorbing nurtients and things because that’s part of what having crohn’s is) isn’t doing it’s digestive job correctly and can lead and most likely would mean I’m being malnutritied (sp?) which isn’t hard to do with crohn’s and has nothignn to do with what you put in your body .

It saddens me to see more horrible medical stories because i feel that my experience although probably common isn’t as bad as a lot i’ve read about.